Many nonprofits hesitate to present a specific problem to donors in their direct mail and email fundraising appeals.
Maybe these nonprofits are afraid of being criticized for “saviorism” or “othering.” Maybe they don’t want their appeals to be a downer. Maybe they think talking about a problem somehow overshadows the good work they do. Maybe they think donors want upbeat, happy appeals — even though the topic is hunger, homelessness, or some other social ill.
Whatever the reason, this hesitancy to present donors with a specific problem to solve often results in fundraising appeals that are, let’s say, soft and mushy as opposed to direct and to the point. Take this example:
The outer envelope says, “Share Hope This Summer.” Then there’s this subhead: “See inside how you’re making an impact for neighbors like Ken.” There’s also a photo, presumably of Ken.
As an opening gambit to engage a donor, this direct response copywriting is soft and mushy. It’s vague and abstract, not concrete and specific. And it fails to present a problem that the donor can solve.
A good gauge for this sort of thing is the “in-person” test. To determine whether a copy approach is on point and creates urgency, imagine you’re speaking with a donor. In this case, you say, “Mr. Smith, share hope this summer.” His reaction is likely to be, “Uh… okay, I guess, but what does sharing hope really mean? How would I even do that? And why would I do it?”
In response to his remark, you say, “See how you’re making an impact for neighbors like Ken.” Even more confused, his reaction will likely be, “I still don’t know what you’re talking about, and how can I be making an impact on whatever this is when I haven’t even donated yet?”
To muddy things further, you hold up a photo. Your donor asks, “So, who is this? Is this Ken? He certainly doesn’t look like he needs any help.”
In addition to these questions, your donor is probably asking himself, “What’s this all about? What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?” But what he’s really asking is, “What’s the problem that needs to be solved?” That’s because donors want to do good, which means solving a specific problem.
In this case, the problem the appeal fails to present to donors is real and specific. People who are homeless will suffer in the searing heat of the summer, especially with temperatures soaring above 100 degrees. Not only will homeless people suffer, but they’ll also be at grave risk for heat stress and heat stroke, both potentially fatal. Imagine you’re homeless in an urban area. You have to keep moving all day because the police will roust you if you sit or lie down, and it’s 115 degrees, with the sun beating down so hard that your head is pounding.
That’s what we’re talking about here. That’s the problem to be solved, and “share hope this summer” doesn’t begin to cover it.
Contrast this problem-avoiding outer envelope with one that openly presents the problem to donors: “Just $10 can save someone who’s homeless like Ken from the blistering, life-threatening heat this summer.” As a donor, I know the problem, how I can help, and why I should.
The letter copy in this appeal avoids presenting a specific problem—as well as a specific solution. It opens with Ken’s story about his skin condition worsened by the heat and then shifts to, “The high temperatures of summer can make life without shelter dangerous. You can make a profound difference for our neighbors with a generous gift of $10, $15, or even $20 today.”
“High temperatures can make life dangerous” isn’t a specific problem, and “you can make a profound difference” isn’t a specific solution. What will my $10 do? Nowhere in the letter does it say anything other than generic references to “providing critical services and programs.”
You have great content. You just need to find out how to amplify it. So, if you want donors to take action, you have to tell them how they can solve the problem. That’s direct and to the point. And it accomplishes what soft and mushy can’t. It engages donors, involves them in your mission and moves them to give.
The preceding blog was provided by an individual unaffiliated with NonProfit PRO. The views expressed within do not directly reflect the thoughts or opinions of NonProfit PRO.
Related story: 3 Grammar Rules You Can’t Break in Fundraising Copy (and Some That You Can)
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An agency-trained, award-winning, freelance fundraising copywriter and consultant with years of on-the-ground experience, George specializes in crafting direct mail appeals, online appeals and other communications that move donors to give. He serves major nonprofits with projects ranging from specialized appeals for mid-level and high-dollar donors, to integrated, multichannel campaigns, to appeals for acquisition, reactivation and cultivation.