Pep up your fundraising letters with a little imagination!

By Gail Perry

What's wrong? It uses passive voice: "has designed." It's about the organization and its program, not the result. The first word in the second sentence is the name of the organization. Plus, the sentence is way too long! What does the word "powerful" do for it? Nothing.

How to make it better? Try something like this: "Your gifts help strengthen the estranged family bonds between prisoners and the children they rarely see. The books and libraries you fund are important. But most of all, you help foster much-needed family time, care and attention — not only for the inmates, but for the children who need their love so very much."

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Gail Perry Author's page Gail believes in parties first, rabble-rousing second, and having fun while changing the world. Gail Perry CFRE is an international fundraising coach, speaker, trainer and thought-leader. She is a leader in a new breed of fundraisers who are on the cutting edge of fundraising today. Her Fired-Up Fundraising approach, developed over the past 25 years as a nonprofit philanthropy expert, has helped organizations raise hundreds of millions in gifts. Gail's practical and refreshing approach to raising money in today's world is based on the very latest innovative fundraising strategies. An inspirational and popular speaker, she leads energizing fundraising workshops and board retreats around the globe. She particularly enjoys working with nonprofit board members, introducing them to a new perspective on fundraising and ways they can be successful at it. Gail's book, Fired-Up Fundraising, has been called the "gold standard guide to building successful fundraising boards." Gail got her start in fundraising at Duke University, and then went on to lead fundraising at the Kenan-Flagler Business School at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. You can read Gail's weekly blogs at FiredUpFundraising.com, and also find her provocative articles at FundraisingSuccess, Guidestar, and Capital Campaign Magic.

More 'Programs and Services'? Really?