Resolutions for 2012

But that doesn't stop me from making suggestions for others, though I usually keep them to myself. The nice lady at the Express Mart doesn't need to know, for example, that I think it's time she let her eyebrows grow in rather than zipping them off with a home wax kit and drawing them on with black eyeliner. (No, she isn't afflicted with any malady that makes it impossible for her to have natural eyebrows; she just prefers an arch that the human body is incapable of producing on its own.) Like I said, in the interest of decorum and public safety, I keep these things to myself.